ON THE SOFA: Can You Afford Your Friends?

I will never forget the pastor in a Brooklyn church who uttered the words: “Your friends are God’s apology for your family.” At some point in our childhood we come across people whom we deem fit to allow into our space because they keep us comfortable or make us comfortable. They take the role of the absent or non-existent sibling as we make our way through kindergarten or elementary school. Friendship at this stage is managed by joy markers. We often laugh together, fight together, play together and snack together. This remains the case through about the junior year of … Continue reading ON THE SOFA: Can You Afford Your Friends?

ON THE SOFA: Anger – The Flame Without Fumes

There is an old saying – I think it was the Buddha – which goes; “Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” or better yet another one from the Book of James in the New Testament – “The anger of man does not bring about God’s righteousness.” Okay those were two sayings. Where am I going with this? I just discovered a very insidious way in which anger affects my emotional and spiritual journey and I thought I would like to share. I am an avid journaler (if that’s a word) and every now and … Continue reading ON THE SOFA: Anger – The Flame Without Fumes

ON THE SOFA: Facebook Shutdown; Personal Opening

Before I begin let me just say what a joy that was. To hop onto Instagram and WhatsApp and all the usual contacts I have been used to seeing in my feed just frozen. Felt like the first week of the lockdown in 2020 when we were told we would have to work from home. The joy I felt knowing I would not be listening to annoying complaints of certain coworkers whom I had allowed to turn me into their daily confessional. Well, I must admit I did the same so, the moral corrosion was mutual. But back to Facebook. … Continue reading ON THE SOFA: Facebook Shutdown; Personal Opening

Sticky post

Xulaima on the Sofa: When we say Happiness, Do we mean JOY?

Do you know what it means to feel joy? When was the last time you felt it? Did it come with a memory or was it just a feeling? In that memory, is the accompaniment (person, place or thing) still accessible to you at this moment if you were willing? Now take that same memory and ask this question: At that time in your life when this feeling occurred were you also happy? Uhoh! Hold up. Where is this going? So, happiness in my view, comes with some level of coherence or alignment whereby we see or experience more than … Continue reading Xulaima on the Sofa: When we say Happiness, Do we mean JOY?

On the Sofa: Growing Up Last and A Generation Apart

Respect: A very healthy tenet in the relationships among family. Often taught to us by our parents who instill in us the practice of respecting them. Then comes the practice of respecting other grown-ups around us. The fundamental understanding is that it is part of our survival. Or so I was taught. “Respect me or I will kill you!” It was usually just a beating but the point of the beating was to set on course the fear of death. Let me back track. I grew up in a Cameroonian household as the youngest of eight siblings and… cousins. Here … Continue reading On the Sofa: Growing Up Last and A Generation Apart

Conquest: A Martial Take on Racism

The experience of racism by the Black American and the African is, to be honest, an effect of CONQUEST. We lived or had civilisations that were attacked, conquered and later exploited. We were forcefully subjected to a position in civilization by forces that had no respect for our culture, morals or faith. Most of us today live in an assimilated society, whether on African soil, Asia, Europe or the United States. We learn, pray and trade in languages, scriptures and currencies that we had to acquire. Much of where our culture prevails among others it has been stolen, repackaged and … Continue reading Conquest: A Martial Take on Racism

Telling the Truth to Power vs Knowing the Truth About Power

If you live in a place where you can get on a public platform and speak critically of the people in political power without worrying about getting up in the morning a free man or woman, there’s a strong chance the truth you are telling holds no weight on their tenure in power. If this is the case, why the exaltation of the expression: TELLING TRUTH TO POWER. It is a term highly favored by activists in the United States. It is often regarded as an expression of courage. Among these are aspects such as; calling out incidents of injustice … Continue reading Telling the Truth to Power vs Knowing the Truth About Power

ON THE SOFA: Communal Competence vs Individual Competence – Why Climbing the Ladder Seems Pointless the Smarter You are

No one makes it alone. This is a common statement handed down the success stream. However, I chose to make this entry today because I thought it needed a caveat. One probably obvious but for those on my wavelength perhaps you need this reminder as much as I do. The real statement is this: YOU CANNOT MAKE IT ON SINGULAR BRILLIANCE ALONE. Go back to the last statement. Read every word. You still need to be brilliant but your brilliance must have company. Many brilliant performers at work or play have been warned about shining too bright for their own … Continue reading ON THE SOFA: Communal Competence vs Individual Competence – Why Climbing the Ladder Seems Pointless the Smarter You are

ChatGPT: The Promotion We Deserve That We Didn’t Ask For

ChatGPT by OpenAI has brought us the promotion we asked for but never signed up for. Like all or most promotions, it requires not only an addition of skills but a growth/shift in perspective. For the white-collar crowd this might be the help we have been asking for. How it scales for employer versus employee remains to be decided. But first I would like to go into the shift in perspective I see coming down the pike. In the world of technological devices, it is not uncommon to see an innovation from a high-end or luxury product make its way … Continue reading ChatGPT: The Promotion We Deserve That We Didn’t Ask For

BY THE WINDOW: Layoffs Are the Modern Beheadings in the King’s Court

Remote work has proven to bring a significant win for the white-collar workers since 2020. To many it brought a sense of work life balance they had since been pursuing but always proved elusive. Finally some reprieve to hampster wheel work life of long commutes and narrow time windows in which to spend time with loved ones. However, in 2022, several articles began to pop up from the many business websites decrying the productivity of remote work. It was interesting because HR reviews proved otherwise but most leadership opinion spoke against it. Many workers quit jobs that required more in-office … Continue reading BY THE WINDOW: Layoffs Are the Modern Beheadings in the King’s Court

BY THE WINDOW: Why The Kayfabe on Good Ideas – THE CLIMATE CONUNDRUM

Time for another punch up in the series on the kayfabe of good ideas. In my last write-up, I wanted to address how our political polarization squeezed out any possibilities of having a common sense conversation on the Covid-19 vaccine. Since my last post, there is now a bill in California that is proposing doctors lose their licenses if what they say on Covid-19 treatment turns out to be misleading by state (/pharmaceutical) standards. Thus far, this applies only to information on the Covid-19 and no other infections. I do not wish to be a bad news bear on the … Continue reading BY THE WINDOW: Why The Kayfabe on Good Ideas – THE CLIMATE CONUNDRUM