I will never forget the pastor in a Brooklyn church who uttered the words: “Your friends are God’s apology for your family.” At some point in our childhood we come across people whom we deem fit to allow into our space because they keep us comfortable or make us comfortable. They take the role of the absent or non-existent sibling as we make our way through kindergarten or elementary school. Friendship at this stage is managed by joy markers. We often laugh together, fight together, play together and snack together. This remains the case through about the junior year of … Continue reading ON THE SOFA: Can You Afford Your Friends?
There is an old saying – I think it was the Buddha – which goes; “Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” or better yet another one from the Book of James in the New Testament – “The anger of man does not bring about God’s righteousness.” Okay those were two sayings. Where am I going with this? I just discovered a very insidious way in which anger affects my emotional and spiritual journey and I thought I would like to share. I am an avid journaler (if that’s a word) and every now and … Continue reading ON THE SOFA: Anger – The Flame Without Fumes
Before I begin let me just say what a joy that was. To hop onto Instagram and WhatsApp and all the usual contacts I have been used to seeing in my feed just frozen. Felt like the first week of the lockdown in 2020 when we were told we would have to work from home. The joy I felt knowing I would not be listening to annoying complaints of certain coworkers whom I had allowed to turn me into their daily confessional. Well, I must admit I did the same so, the moral corrosion was mutual. But back to Facebook. … Continue reading ON THE SOFA: Facebook Shutdown; Personal Opening
If your parents were not your parents, would you have wanted to know them? If your siblings were not your siblings, would they have been your friends? Let’s take this further, if your kids were not your kids, would you … Continue reading ON THE SOFA: Family; Friends or Foe?
I suspect the answer to that question is not one to take on with righteous accusation but with opportunistic curiosity. The Christian message for the most part is not easy to practice thoroughly. All the people who profess it fall short in major ways. But I am starting to wonder is that a reason to stop? Continue reading Does Christ Belong in the Theatre?
Do you know what it means to feel joy? When was the last time you felt it? Did it come with a memory or was it just a feeling? In that memory, is the accompaniment (person, place or thing) still accessible to you at this moment if you were willing? Now take that same memory and ask this question: At that time in your life when this feeling occurred were you also happy? Uhoh! Hold up. Where is this going? So, happiness in my view, comes with some level of coherence or alignment whereby we see or experience more than … Continue reading Xulaima on the Sofa: When we say Happiness, Do we mean JOY?
Respect: A very healthy tenet in the relationships among family. Often taught to us by our parents who instill in us the practice of respecting them. Then comes the practice of respecting other grown-ups around us. The fundamental understanding is that it is part of our survival. Or so I was taught. “Respect me or I will kill you!” It was usually just a beating but the point of the beating was to set on course the fear of death. Let me back track. I grew up in a Cameroonian household as the youngest of eight siblings and… cousins. Here … Continue reading On the Sofa: Growing Up Last and A Generation Apart
The experience of racism by the Black American and the African is, to be honest, an effect of CONQUEST. We lived or had civilisations that were attacked, conquered and later exploited. We were forcefully subjected to a position in civilization by forces that had no respect for our culture, morals or faith. Most of us today live in an assimilated society, whether on African soil, Asia, Europe or the United States. We learn, pray and trade in languages, scriptures and currencies that we had to acquire. Much of where our culture prevails among others it has been stolen, repackaged and … Continue reading Conquest: A Martial Take on Racism
You have heard him being referred to as an assassin. That he possesses true killer instinct. The embodiment of killer will. A living testament to human drive. A man possessed. Some, might even call him a conman? (Jeff Van Gundy). … Continue reading Michael Jordan: A Father’s Imprint
And everything to do with hysteria. Truth be told. There are enough smart people with education and opinions to go around that have turned to social media to express their frustration with what is pretty much the uncomfortably consistent “tradition” of mass shootings in the United States of America. From gun control legislation to mental health funding the main poles of discord are guiding the conversation on this matter and it is sure to give us the usual result. NOTHING. Bleak, one might say. However, at what point do we adjust our framing or shall we just keep beating a … Continue reading BY THE WINDOW: Mass Shootings Have Nothing To Do With You
Let me preface this revelation by saying; if you ever want face the highest amount of temptation make a commitment. From relationships to religion. I recently was moved to reaffirming my Christian faith and some of my most vulnerable foibles were heavily exploited by temptation. Truth be told, I lost a lot of battles. At times I wondered if I was actually in the right faith practice especially when the temptation would weigh on me like an invisible yet palpable weight. I would then submit myself to such condemnation at my inconsistency. The memories of sins rush in from as … Continue reading ON THE SOFA: Need is Undefeated